PHOENIX -- Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch knew he had to talk. It didn't mean he had to say anything.
So, in essence, he didn't. And now, onto our regularly scheduled Super Bowl Media Day, where the players and coaches are window dressing, and it's really more about who's asking the questions.
There was Barrel Boy. A pair of buck-toothed sock puppets. A guy sporting a purple shirt, a bicycle helmet and seven Go Pro cameras, "so I can catch all the angles, precisely."
These characters are the sort that have helped turn an event that began as a convenient place to fill up the notebook in advance of the NFL title game into the full-fledged theatre of the absurd it has become.
On Tuesday, about 2,000 reporters -- make that people with credentials -- filed into the U.S. Airways Center, worked their way down the stairs past a marching band playing a version of Blondie's 1980 hit, "Call Me," and got down to business.
The New England Patriots filed in and the clock started ticking down from "60:00."
As the reporters, cameramen and Nickelodeon superhero Pick Boy elbowed for position, the questions began.
As expected, New England coach Bill Belichick wasn't forthcoming about much. But now, thanks to a question asked by a kid, we know his favorite stuffed animals are those cute little monkeys you put your fingers in to make them talk.
Those wishing to someday see Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's etchings were in luck. Sort of. A sketch artist got a credential and spent the morning penning out pictures of the Man himself: Life imitating art imitating Leroy Neiman.
Looking for a Joe Namath-like guarantee at Media Day? "The game will be on Sunday," promised Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski.
Oh, there were moments of actual reporting going on -- some even done by people other than ESPN's Chris Berman, NFL Network's Deion Sanders and the rest of the reporter-celebrity crowd that fields as many questions as they ask.
Patriots owner Bob Kraft, who had his last say on the deflated-footballs matter during a surprise showing at the New England news conference Monday, came out Tuesday and stood in a corner -- not to talk about Deflategate, but, among other things, to talk about why he talked about Deflategate.
"The reason I did what I did yesterday was so that all of our fans and (me) and my family can enjoy this game," he said.
Belichick stood by his guns. He wasn't going to mention it anymore: "We're just focused on Seattle this week," he said.
Speaking of Seattle, about a half-hour before the Seahawks took to the floor at the jammed, claustrophobic arena that the NBA's Phoenix Suns call home, a crowd started gathering around Podium No. 6. Lynch's name was up there. Quite a surprise, considering he spent last year's Media Day in a corner, surrounded by teammates who wouldn't let any reporters near him.
An hour with "The Beast?" Seemed promising.
Then, he climbed the stairs, set his timer, said he was doing this so he wouldn't get fined and pronounced he would answer every question the same way until his time was up. That ended with about 57:30 remaining on the countdown clock, and it's not a sure thing he was right about the fine thing. The Pro Football Writers Association is talking to the league about what happened and Lynch has been told there's a potential he could, indeed, have to pay up for leaving early.
Once he left, his teammates fielded a number of questions about why Lynch doesn't like to talk, and why fans (read: media) seem so obsessed with hearing him talk.
"The way the NFL sells everything all the time, fans want to, like, be inside our minds," defensive lineman Michael Bennett said. "The fact they don't get to do it all the time with Marshawn, it just makes them mad."
OK, back to the important stuff:
The white, brimmed hat Bennett was wearing was made of horse tweed and cost $800, "for those of you who know about hats," he said.
Those who know about figure skating would've liked what they saw.
Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir were there. One was decked out in black leather pants, black shoes with chunky heels, a bejeweled necklace and a Seinfeld-esque puffy shirt. Lipinski looked good, too.
They asked some questions. Answered more.
As Seattle's 60 minutes were wrapping up, a group of practice squad players were showing off their best dance moves for the camera -- Jimmy Staten did the "Sprinkler" -- while being surrounded by scantily clad ladies in cheerleading gear.
A few steps away, a man wearing clown's makeup and a rubber-ribbon wig was carrying a microphone and following a reporter with a low-cut neckline that highlighted her painted-on black-and-white dress.
In another corner, former Rams MVP quarterback Kurt Warner, now retired and with a TV gig, had a microphone in front of Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson.
"This is football players interviewing football players," observed the legendary sports writer, Art Spander, now covering his 39th Super Bowl.
And reporters interviewing reporters.
No stone is left unturned at Media Day.
Super Bowl facts and figures
At stake -- National Football League championship for the Vince Lombardi Trophy.
Participants -- New England Patriots (AFC) and Seattle Seahawks (NFC). This is the eighth appearance for the Patriots (3-4) and third appearance for Seattle (1-1).
Site -- University of Phoenix Stadium, Glendale, Ariz.
Seating capacity -- 71,228.
Date -- Sunday.
Kickoff -- 5:30 p.m. CST.
Network coverage -- By NBC-TV (Resort Channel 4) to more than 200 stations throughout the United States. Westwood One Radio to 600 stations within the United States. The Armed Forces Television will also provide broadcast to 175 countries throughout the world.
Players' share-- Winners: $97,000 per man. Losers: $49,000 per man.
Player uniforms -- Seattle will be the home team and has its choice of wearing its colored or white jersey.
Overtime -- At the end of regulation playing time, the referee will immediately toss a coin at the center of the field, according to rules pertaining to the usual pre-game toss. The captain of NFC team (the visiting team) will call the toss. Following a three-minute intermission after the end of the regular game, play will continue by 15-minute periods with a two-minute intermission between each such overtime period with no halftime intermission. The teams will change goals between each period, and there will be a two-minute warning at the end of each period.
Both teams must have the opportunity to possess the ball once during the extra period, unless the team that receives the opening kickoff scores a touchdown on its initial possession, in which case it is the winner. If the team that possesses the ball first scores a field goal on its initial possession, the other team shall have the opportunity to possess the ball. If (that team) scores a touchdown on its possession, it is the winner. If the score is tied after (both teams have a) possession, the team next scoring by any method shall be the winner.
Official time -- The scoreboard clock will be official.
Officials -- There will be seven officials and five alternates appointed by the Commissioner's office.
Trophy -- The winning team receives permanent possession of the Vince Lombardi Trophy, a sterling silver trophy created by Tiffany & Co. and presented annually to the winner of the Super Bowl. The trophy was named after the late coach Vince Lombardi of the two-time Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers before the 1971 Super Bowl. The trophy is a regulation-size silver football mounted in a kicking position on a pyramid-like stand of three concave sides. The trophy stands 20¾ inches tall, weighs 6.7 pounds and is valued more than $25,000. The words "Vince Lombardi" and "Super Bowl XLVX" are engraved on the base along with the NFL shield.
Attendance -- To date, 3,734,938 have attended Super Bowl games. The largest crowd was 103,985 at the 14th Super Bowl at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, Calif.
Super Bowl winners fared
How the Super Bowl winners fared in their next season:
2014--Seattle vs. New England in Super Bowl
2013--Baltimore finished third in AFC North division with an 8-8 record.
2012--N.Y. Giants finished second in NFC East division with a 9-7 record.
2011--Green Bay lost to N.Y. Giants 37-20 in NFC divisional playoff.
2010--New Orleans lost to Seattle 41-36 in NFC wild-card game.
2009--Pittsburgh finished third in AFC North division with an 9-7 record.
2008--N.Y. Giants lost to Philadelphia 23-11 in NFC divisional playoff.
2007--Indianapolis lost to San Diego 28-24 in AFC divisional playoff.
2006--Pittsburgh finished third in AFC North division with an 8-8 record.
2005--New England lost to Denver 27-13 in AFC divisional playoff.
2004--New England repeated and beat Philadelphia 24-21 in Super Bowl.
2003--Tampa Bay finished third in NFC South division with a 7-9 record.
2002--New England finished second in AFC East division with a 9-7 record.
2001--Baltimore lost to Pittsburgh 27-10 in AFC divisional playoff.
2000--St. Louis lost to New Orleans 31-28 in NFC wild-card game.
1999--Denver finished last in the AFC West division with a 6-10 record.
1998--Denver repeated and beat Atlanta 34-19 in Super Bowl.
1997--Green Bay lost to Denver 31-24 in Super Bowl.
1996--Dallas lost to Carolina 26-17 in NFC divisional playoff.
1995--San Francisco lost to Green Bay 27-17 in NFC divisional playoff.
1994--Dallas lost to San Francisco 38-28 in NFC championship.
1993--Dallas repeated and beat Buffalo 30-13 in Super Bowl.
1992--Washington lost to San Francisco 20-13 in NFC divisional playoff.
1991--N.Y. Giants finished fourth in NFC East division with an 8-8 record.
1990--San Francisco lost to N.Y. Giants 15-13 in NFC championship.
1989--San Francisco repeated and beat Denver 55-10 in Super Bowl.
1988--Washington finished third in NFC East division with a 7-9 record.
1987--N.Y. Giants finished last in NFC East division with a 6-9 record.
1986--Chicago lost to Washington 27-13 in NFC divisional playoff.
1985--San Francisco lost to N.Y. Giants 17-3 in NFC wild-card game.
1984--L.A. Raiders lost to Seattle 13-7 in AFC wild-card game.
1983--Washington lost to the Los Angeles Raiders 38-9 in Super Bowl.
1982--San Francisco finished eleventh in the conference with a 3-6 record.
1981--Oakland finished fourth in the Western division with a 7-9 record.
1980--Pittsburgh finished third in the Central division with a 9-7 record.
1979--Pittsburgh repeated and beat the Los Angeles Rams 31-19 in Super Bowl.
1978--Dallas lost to Pittsburgh 35-31 in Super Bowl.
1977--Oakland lost to Denver 20-17 in AFC Championship.
1976--Pittsburgh lost to Oakland 24-7 in AFC Championship.
1975--Pittsburgh repeated and beat Dallas 21-17 in Super Bowl.
1974--Miami lost to Oakland 28-26 in AFC divisional playoff.
1973--Miami repeated and beat Minnesota 24-7 in Super Bowl.
1972--Dallas lost to Washington 26-3 in NFC Championship.
1971--Baltimore lost to Miami 21-0 in AFC Championship.
1970--Kansas City finished second in the Western division with a 7-5-2 record.
1969--New York Jets lost to Kansas City 13-6 in AFL divisional playoff.
1968--Green Bay finished third in the Central divison with a 6-7-1 record.
1967--Green Bay repeated and beat Oakland 33-14 in Super Bowl.
Sports on 01/28/2015