Different from my dad

As I looked at the calendar and discovered Father's Day was approaching, I began thinking about my dad. I have to admit it; I'm not like my dad when it comes to parenting. My dad passed away when I was 17, but I remember him being a very strong parent that ruled us kids with what today would be considered an iron fist. I have two older sisters and an older brother and we all grew up better thanks to my dad's parenting style.

My dad was a no-nonsense kind of parent. The family watched what my dad wanted to watch on television; there was no debating or compromising. If we happened to be talking and my dad wanted to hear the television, he could silence the entire room with one word, "listen." When my dad called one of us kids to do something, if the first word out of our mouth wasn't "Sir," we knew we were in trouble.

There was no doubt who was the boss in my dad's home. Now in my household, that's another story. I have a 9-year-old daughter named Cadyn and I have trouble sometimes figuring out if I should answer to my wife Vicky or Cadyn. Because when my wife tells me to do something, Cadyn sometimes repeats the order to me and occasionally has further explanation of why it needs to be done immediately. On a Saturday, we were going to go shopping and my wife asked me to get ready to go. This was immediately followed by Cadyn's instructions to get ready because we were going to the store and to get pizza because she was hungry and to make sure I didn't forget to wear my cap.

Now if I ever told my dad to get ready and not to forget his cap, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to go shopping because I wouldn't have been able to sit down for quite a while. My style is to smile and go put on my cap then go and enjoy a day of laughs and discovery with my little one.

I don't think my dad ever watched a cartoon. He would not have recognized Scooby-Doo or Bugs Bunny if his life depended on it. Now me on the other hand, I know Dora the Explorer and Doc McStuffins very well and Mickey and I are on a first-name basis.

Don't think that Cadyn doesn't get disciplined, because she does, but I have to say that it is on a much less frequent basis than what I received growing up. My style may not get me called "Sir" at the drop of a hat, but I think it works for Cadyn and me.

Today my dad's parenting style would probably be called too strict, but I honestly am grateful for every "whooping" I received. I learned that there are consequences for my actions and sometimes those consequences are not very pleasant. Sometimes parenting is hard and learning lessons can hurt, but we become better people for it.

The relationship of father and child can be a complicated one. I can say that there were times while growing up that I didn't like my dad very much. If the truth be told, I'm sure there were times when my dad didn't like me very much either.

After having become a parent myself, I understand that you do the best you can with your kids and sometimes you make mistakes and you don't always have the right answers or do or say the right things. But I think most fathers try their best. After all, there isn't a manual on how to be a great dad. Honestly, it is a lot of trial and error. But most parenting starts from a place of love and concern and that is a good starting point.

Many folks don't have the greatest relationship with their parents, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Remember we all make mistakes and not a single soul on this planet is perfect. Today, Father's Day, is a good day to consider trying to make that relationship better. If you have the blessing of your father still being around, reach out and tell him Happy Father's Day. It doesn't have to be anything more than that, just make the call. I think you will be glad you did.

To the dads out there, give your kids the benefit of the doubt, also. Sure, maybe they aren't living the life you envisioned for them, but your blood still runs through their veins. Maybe they have said or done stupid things, goodness knows I did with my dad, but they are still your kids and a kind word or embrace from you would mean the world to them.

Take it from someone who doesn't have the blessing of time with my dad. When they are gone it is too late to make amends. Don't let pride, ego or stubbornness rob you of that father-child relationship. Make the effort, no matter how small. It will be a positive thing in your life, I promise.

I often wonder what my dad would think of my parenting style. He probably wouldn't agree with most of it, but I think that if he was on the receiving end of one of Cadyn's "orders," we would see a cap on his head and a smile on his face as he took her to lunch.

Happy Father's Day.

Editorial on 06/17/2018

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