There is no doubt that women have a huge impact on society today, especially as mothers. This month, HER Magazine had a chance to speak with the women of the Nicholson family. George Ann and her two daughters, Dawn and Kori, sat down with us to share their perspectives on family values and raising Black men in today's society. Following global protests for racial equality, difficult conversations have taken place in an attempt to bridge the gap. For this family, they have chosen to do so by extending grace to others, having a strong sense of identity, and educating others on their experience as Black women in America.
HER Magazine: When did your family first move to Hot Springs and what was that like for you?
George Ann Nicholson: We moved here in June of 1978. My Husband's job transferred us here. He had just gotten out of training and was assigned to Hot Springs. I did have some concerns when we first moved. I wanted my girls to be in the right school district. I wanted them to have classmates who looked like them, as well as others. I wanted them to be well rounded. ... We are Christians, so tried to instill instilled Christian values into our family. We try to get them to understand that people are people and you should allow people to be themselves and as much that lies within you, you have to be at peace with all people. You have to rely on what you believe. Not so much what the other person believes.
Dawn Utsey: I feel like we were just really lucky. I love Hot Springs. This is where I grew up, this is where I've stayed, this is where my family has grown, and for the most part, where my family has stayed. As far as a community as a whole, it has been a positive situation growing up and a positive place to raise our families.
Kori Holder: I have fond memories growing up here. We had friends who looked like us, we had friends who didn't look like us. We were exposed to a lot of different things culturally in just many, many ways.
HER: So now you, Dawn and Kori, both have sons of your own. What lessons from your mother have you passed down to your own children, especially considering the current social climate?
DU: I always make sure that I am their safe place. They can come to me and say whatever it is. I make sure that they know they are safe to say whatever the realest thing is in my presence and that they trust me to have a reasonable, sensible response. I think one of the biggest things for me is and I tell my sons this all the time, I will probably until the day I die, that we want grace extended to us so we have to try very hard to find a way to always extend it to others. ... You have got to find the ability in yourself to stop, regardless of what anyone else does. You can't let somebody pull you into something that you are not. That's probably one of the biggest lessons we learned from our mom. You know who you are and it does not matter what anyone else says.
You know as girls, who doesn't go through the 'ugly girl' phase, the mean girl phase? This woman (my mother) would literally march us in front of a mirror and say, 'Look at yourself. Are you ugly? No. It doesn't matter what she says, you have got to know.' That was drilled into us, drilled into us, drilled into us. Know who you are because if you do, nobody can change your mind about who you are. That is one of the lessons I have given to my sons. No matter what, you do not let someone's opinion of you make you step down or be lower than what you are. Draw a baseline for yourself.
KH: If we are honest, the climate that we are in today is not a new climate. It's always been a rather interesting road to navigate for Black people and people of color. Lessons that I have always tried to instill in boy boys, again, echos with identity. Identity is a very big thing in our family. I think it is very important to be the first ones who give our children identity. It starts at home.
One thing about it is if you don't give your children their identity, someone else will. Along with that, I have always tried to teach my children, just like our mom taught us, that (they) are no better than anyone else but (they) are not less than anyone else. I have always tried to raise my children to be compassionate people and to embrace all people. Another very important thing for me is to have raised young men who are educated enough to be able to look at a situation and make a decision without being swayed by what is popular.
HER: Now that your sons are mostly grown, you all have a police officer in the family, a military veteran, an entrepreneur, and students who are all doing well for themselves. When you look at your sons and see the successful men you have raised, what do you believe contributed to this the most during their upbringing?
DU: I can tell you that we have loved them fiercely. I mean fiercely. We have loved them and we learned how to do that in our home. I never wanted my children to have a need that they had to look outside of family to be met. I never wanted my sons to be desperate for anything because desperation can make you become someone you are not and do things you don't want to. I have lived my whole life trying to make sure that my sons were never desperate for anything because I know and understand what desperation does to people.
KH: We see it every day.
DU: We see every day what desperation makes people do. I have tried to keep myself in a position, as I know my parents kept themselves in a position, for us to never be desperate for anything. We were not allowed to go on a date without having money to call our daddy.
KH: Or pay for the meal. We were not desperate for material things. We were not desperate for friendship because learned to be friends in our home. They did not allow us to be desperate because they understood that desperation breeds so many other things.
DU: That has been the weight on my shoulder as far as raising my kids. Now a need and a want are two different things. We were going to find a way to meet their needs and allow them to be children in that season. Because soon enough, that season is over. By while you are a child, you get to be a child. We never wanted them to be desperate for anything so we made sure of that.
HER: Now Dawn, here over the past few months, you have become more and more vocal about your experiences living in America as a Black woman. What made you choose to start speaking out about this?
DU: It's so easy for people to look at you or someone and think, 'She's got it all figured out. She's good, she's got it.' People discredit my blackness. That is the thing that made me speak out. I can tell by the stuff that I was seeing on my timeline (on Facebook) that these people had forgotten I'm Black. That was the feeling I was getting.
KH: And people who proclaim to be your friend and then so easily say things that are either overtly or covertly racist.
DU: At one point I felt like I just need to give Black a face because people want to make Black be one thing and it's not one thing. Black is Black. You cannot separate Dawn Michelle Nicholson Utsey from Black. You can't. I felt like sometimes that people need a face, a reminder. If you can't out another face with it, I will be that face for you. I' am like, with a light shining on myself, 'Hey, I'm Black. You said you were my friend. Well, I need you to acknowledge my Blackness and I need you to do it right now.' You can't separate my black from somebody else's black. People want to do that but you can't. You just can't. That's what I wanted people to see.
KH: We are no more worthy of the benefit of the doubt than anyone else. ... There are many facets of a black diamond. People have different experiences even within the same culture.
The family matriarch, George Ann Nicholson, expressed just how proud she is of her daughters. Not only as mothers, but as individuals. As the interview concluded, Mrs. Nicholson decided to end it with just a few words of wisdom for the readers, "When the round table is square, leave the room."