Holidays can be a very lonely time, for some

OPINION

What would the holiday season be without traditions? Growing up in the '60s, I remember watching Thanksgiving Day parades and "A Charlie Brown Christmas" on the console TV, and enduring frigid evenings at the Christmas tree lot (I was raised up north). Our family didn't decorate until the week before Christmas and all the decorations magically disappeared the first day we went back to school in January.

When my wife and I married in the mid-'70s, we began many of our own traditions. In our early years we always went home for the holidays. Since we're the grandparents now ours is the home the family comes home to.

Holiday traditions provide something stable to hold on to in a constantly changing world. They help us feel connected, especially this year with the coronavirus pandemic.

But sadly, not everyone feels connected during the holidays. For those who have lost loved ones, holiday traditions can be a reminder of how unpleasantly different life has become -- even more so this year. It can be a very lonely time.

If you have a friend or family member who has experienced loss, I have a few suggestions.

First and foremost, listen. Sometimes people ask me what to say to someone who is going through bereavement. I usually respond that they don't have to say anything. There is no "perfect thing" to say and there are certainly wrong things to say -- but you can never go wrong by just being there to listen.

Second, understand that bereavement often takes longer than we realize. Most people who go through bereavement have support during the "firsts" (first Christmas, first anniversary, and so on), but patients have told me that the second year following their loved one's death was the hardest. Sadly, family and friends move on by that time, which magnifies the feeling of loneliness.

Third, understand that there is a difference between bereavement and depression. Bereavement is a natural -- howbeit painful -- process of adjusting to a new world that the bereaved person does not want to live in. Depression, on the other hand, is a hole that doesn't lead anywhere except further down the hole. A person who is going through bereavement needs support. A person who is depressed needs therapy.

May your holidays be blessed. We're here if you need us, 622-3580.

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