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Alien pizza

OPINION by Harry Porter | June 6, 2021 at 4:00 a.m.

There has been a lot of talk lately about U.F.O.s. We have all seen the footage of the unidentified flying objects swarming a U.S. Navy ship back in 2019. Then there is the video of a spherical object that hovers in midair, moves side to side and then seems to dive into the ocean. These videos have been verified as authentic by the government.

Of course, U.F.O. sightings are not relegated to this century. According to some historians, the scribes of the pharaoh Thutmose III reported "fiery disks" floating over the skies of Egypt around 1440 B.C. Were these the contractors of the pyramids making a house call? Perhaps they wanted to grab a coffee with their new clients, review the site and find out if their clients wanted light or dark kitchen cabinets and exactly how many full baths they needed.

Roman history talks of an army commanded by Lucullus that was about to enter a battle when "all on a sudden, the sky burst asunder, and a huge, flame-like body was seen to fall between the two armies. In shape, it was most like a wine-jar, and in color, like molten silver." Was this the first example of a Super Bowl ad? Was E.T. just trying to sell a little of their newest product Lava Wine? Maybe The Great Gazoo said, "Before the battle be sure to quench your thirst with the hottest wine around, Lava Wine."

In 1803, a Japanese fisherman reported seeing a boat floating close to shore. When he approached the craft, "a beautiful young woman" described as having red and white hair and dressed in strange clothes appeared. The angler claims she held a square box that he was not allowed to touch and she spoke to him in an unknown language. Could this female Spock have been Earth's first pizza delivery person and just had the wrong address? Maybe the pepperoni pizza she was holding was meant for Marvin the Martian and she drove past Mars and ended up on Earth by mistake.

Who knows if U.F.O.s are real? However, from these encounters, if they are real, we have a lot in common with them. We all love our storage space. We cannot live without our sports. In addition, we all hate when the pizza is delivered late and cold.

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