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The Great Purge

OPINION by Harry Porter | June 12, 2022 at 4:00 a.m.

The great purge has begun at my house. My wife and daughter watched a show on television titled "The Home Edit" and have been in a frenzy ever since. From what I understand, the show is about two organizational experts who go into celebrities' homes and straighten up their closets and pantries. Evidently, it is all the rage.

After watching this show my wife and daughter decided they were going to organize our entire household. They have begun to go through each room and create piles. There are three types of piles: the keep pile, the sell pile and the donate pile. I am not allowed to touch the piles. The system is very delicate and understood only by the organizers.

I am told that this reorganization will take up to two weeks to complete. In the meantime, our house resembles a corn maze without the corn. There are bundles of books, clumps of clothes, stockpiles of shoes and pyramids of doll paraphernalia. Not to mention the heaps of home décor and towers of toys.

As a room is cleared out then it is restocked, in an organized fashion, to only include the "necessary stuff." What determines if something is necessary? I honestly have no idea. Necessary can mean it is crucial to our survival or it could be that it is a pretty color. Necessary is in the eye of the organizers, I guess.

Another important element to a proper reorganization is new furniture. Evidently, creating the correct storage, display and use dynamic involves having furniture that fits the new vibe. A new chest of drawers will be purchased for our clothing and the old chest of drawers will become storage for doll clothing.

Fortunately, I do not have to participate in the purge because I have a system in place to prevent the need. If I buy a new piece of clothing or shoes, I get rid of an old piece of clothing or shoes. Therefore, all of my things abide constantly in the "necessary stuff" domain.

This has still not prevented the organizers from pointing out some of my items they think belong in the purge. Some of my ties have been sacrificed to the organization. So have some old belts and a couple of electronic gadgets. However, I have remained basically unfazed by the great purge of 2022.

If you do not see a column from me next week you will know, I am lost in the non-corn maze. Please send help. Just make sure to instruct my rescuers that they are not to touch any of the piles. Nothing can derail or delay the purge.

Print Headline: The Great Purge

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