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Beware The Changling

OPINION by Harry Porter | June 19, 2022 at 4:00 a.m.

Deception is afoot in my household. What appears to be innocent and cute is actually peccant and dark. As was mentioned many times in "The X-Files" TV series, "The truth is out there ... and it hurts."

Let me explain. About a year ago, my wife found an abandoned kitten on the side of the road. She brought the malnourished cat home and after a couple of stressful weeks, the feline made a full recovery and became the third pet in our home. Little did we know at the time that we had actually welcomed a shape-shifter into our humble abode.

It started innocently enough when we discovered that the kitten had gotten into the hamburger buns on the counter and eaten one. We chalked it up to our daughter leaving the bag open and the cat enjoying a snack. It was only after we realized the bag contained all of the buns except for the one the cat had eaten that we were stumped. How did this cat get through a twist tie and get into the bag? Oh well, maybe the tie came off when we unpacked the groceries, we thought.

Next came the Tupperware incident. I had some leftover chicken and broccoli and stored it in a Tupperware bin, secured the lid and placed it into the refrigerator. As I walked through the kitchen a couple of hours later, I was amazed to find the cat with her head deep in the bowl eating my chicken.

How had this changeling opened the refrigerator and unsealed the Tupperware to scavenge my chicken? The refrigerator handles are easily 4 feet from the ground, so when the shape-shifter is in its cat form it could not reach the handles. Not to mention, it is impossible to open Tupperware without thumbs. It obviously transformed into some type of ape in order for it to commit the chicken caper.

My wife, of course, blamed it on me forgetting to put the lid on the Tupperware and place it in the fridge. She took greater comfort in an absent-minded husband than facing the facts that we are harboring a mutant.

However, my wife has begun to come around to my way after thinking after the swapling's latest incarnation. In an effort to manipulate its feeding time, the shape-shifter has taken the form of a rooster. Every morning at 5 a.m. the rooster begins to crow at our bedroom door. After having awoken us, it transforms back into a kitten and sits at the door. This is a daily occurrence.

When I complain to my wife about the constant trouble that The Changeling causes, her response is always the same. "Good thing she is so cute."

So beware, my friends. Cute kittens can harbor apes and roosters inside. Let us hope our "cat" never figures out what a bear could do.

Print Headline: Beware The Changling

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