Foreboding joy

My wife informed me about a term I had never heard before: foreboding joy. Basically, what this means is constantly looking for tragedy. It's preparing for the worst even when things are at their best.

The phrase was first coined by Brene Brown in her book "The Power of Vulnerability." According to Brown, "joy is the most vulnerable emotion we experience." When we allow ourselves to feel joy, we put ourselves in grave danger. We are out in the open, susceptible to all of the elements the world may throw our way.

I have some personal experience with this way of thinking. I am somewhat of a control freak and I like to feel I have a handle on things at all times. If I ever stop to "smell the roses" I fear that something will go wrong or I will fall behind and not be on top of things. It can be stressful at times and exhausting at times but it is who I am.

Brown told Oprah during an interview, "When I'm giving a talk, I often say, raise your hand if you've ever stood over your child while he or she is sleeping and thought, I love you like I didn't know was possible, and in that split second, you pictured something horrific happening. How many of us have thought, work's going well? Good relationship with my partner. Holy crap, something bad is going to happen."

Looking at this through these examples it almost seems like a recipe for misery. Never being joyful or feeling happy doesn't translate to a very happy life.

Brown related this story to Oprah. "A man once told me, 'My whole life, I never got too excited about anything. That way if things didn't work out, I wasn't devastated, and if they did, it was a pleasant surprise.' And when this man was in his 60s, his wife of 40 years was killed in a car accident. He told me, 'The second I realized she was gone, I knew I should have leaned harder into those moments of joy. Because not doing so did not protect me from what I feel now.' It's like we're trying to dress-rehearse tragedy so we can beat vulnerability to the punch.

I guess that pretty much sums it up. We should try to be happier more often. Take that extra few minutes to appreciate a sunset or the smell of fresh-cut grass. Hug your loved ones a little more often and tell a joke or two. We all know life is short and we only get this one time around. So go out and enjoy yourself.

I certainly encourage this behavior in my business competitors. You should take more time off, have a longer lunch. Heck, I think you should go home every day and take a 30-minute nap. Because it would help my joy to know I get that extra time to compete against you.

Enjoy!