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Bugging out

OPINION by Harry Porter | October 25, 2020 at 4:00 a.m.

Have you ever noticed a bug crawling down the sidewalk and wondered to yourself, where is he going?

My wife and I walk the Greenway Trail quite often and we come across bugs, caterpillars and worms who are commuting along the trail. They all seem to be moving with a purpose in mind. Therefore, they must have a destination planned out, right.

Have they finished the night shift and are striding home to see their spouse and bouncing baby larvae? Will their bug bride greet them with a smile and a peck on the antennae? Will their babies wrap their pincers around them in a great big bug hug?

Perhaps the bugs are traveling to a cootie convention. They will get to see bug pals they have not buzzed around in a while and enjoy some great new nectar restaurants. Some of the more lonely bugs will take in a burlesque show where they will enjoy the shapely limbs of the daddy longlegs. The fruit fly will drink a little too much fermented peach juice and make a pass at the unsuspecting ladybug. No matter how late their night is they will all be at the morning dung breakfast with the invocation lead by the praying mantis.

Maybe the bugs are excitedly slithering to a concert. The lineup would be amazing. The Scorpions would open the show. Followed by Iron Butterfly. Intermission would come next, where the bugs would have a chance to snag some great merchandise. Antenna trucker hats and stinger T-shirts would be all the rage.

After intermission, Papa Roach would take the stage and sing their little bug hearts out. Closing out the show would of course be the fabulous Beetles. They would sing some of their biggest hits such as: "Sting and Shout," "The Long and Winding Roach" and "Let it Bee."

Next time you see your friendly, neighborhood bug on the sidewalk shoot him a wave. Remember try not to Raid on their parade and certainly do not ever show them a Black Flag.


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