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Talker troubles

OPINION by Harry Porter | April 17, 2022 at 4:00 a.m.

I am not a big talker. I have never been a big conversationalist. My wife says we are a great match because she likes to talk and I do not. However, she does accuse me from time to time of not listening when she is talking but that is another tale for another time.

I admire talkers, those folks who never meet a stranger and who can hold a conversation with anyone. I am amazed at their ability to pluck items from their brain in order to keep a discussion rolling for what seems to be an indeterminate amount of time. It is a skill I wish I possessed but I think I was absent on the day they were handing out the gift of gab.

Nonetheless, there are times when I am aggravated by the ramblings of the raconteurs. Take, for instance, when you are behind them in a fast-food drive-thru lane. The entire line is held us waiting as the chatterbox contemplates the menu with the other passengers in the automobile. With a few exceptions, McDonald's menu has been the same for 30 years. What are they talking about, whether or not they want fries with their meal?

Then the talker further delays everyone by having a discussion with the McDonald's crew members in the drive-thru window. Trust me these bored teenagers would rather do anything than listen to this guy rattle on about how they worked at McDonald's when they were in high school. In addition, this lends to increased aggravation because if that is the case they should certainly know what the menu is and not have to discuss it for 10 minutes before ordering.

Another area where schmoozers struggle with expediting their business is the ATM line at the bank. They insert their card into the machine then proceed to have a 20-minute conversation with the passenger in their vehicle. The ATM does not dispense bitcoin, so what in the world are they pondering? Even after they complete their transaction, they continue to talk! Trust me -- I know from experience that no amount of talking is going to change the bank balance on that receipt.

The final place that the interlocutors infuriate me is in the drop-off line at school. These folks pick 7:55 a.m. to have a deep, meaningful parlay with their progeny. The rest of us parents and our children sit in our vehicles waiting for the talker to finish up so we can move forward and drop our kids off at school. Why do these people pick this place and time to try to finish the kid's algebra homework? There are better places and times to decide where the family is going on summer vacation. Move out of the way!

After contemplating, the situation one common thread seems to emerge. These situations all take place while the conversationalist is sitting in a car. Perhaps automakers could invent a cone of silence type device that surrounds the talker. Imprisoning them in a bubble where no sound can penetrate until they exit the vehicle. This would certainly make my life more enjoyable.

But what do I know? My vocabulary is made up primarily of grunts and nods. I am far from the person you would want to handle any type of verbal jousting. So keep doing what you do talkers. The rest of us will patiently wait for you to take that pausing breath that never seems to come.

Print Headline: Talker troubles

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